I am working on some new stuff for the blog and I need your help!

Is there anything that you would like to hear more about from me?  I would love some input.  If you have any questions for me about photography, beauty tips, love, loss, parenting.. etc. comment or email me and I’d love to write more about it.  You sweet friends that read this mean so much to me and I’d love to know what you’d like to hear more about.

That being said, I have been wanting to say thank you SO much for the sweet love, the messages and comments, the calls and texts, everything that was given to me during my miscarriage and writing my love and loss posts.

I thought I’d answer some of the questions/comments I got regarding these posts.

The most common thing I heard was “you’re so brave for writing about this!” or “I can’t believe you’ve opened up about something so personal on such a public space,” or “when it happened to me, I didn’t want anyone to know.”  and I think all of these are totally valid comments.  So here’s my take on things…

On being “brave” for writing about this, I didn’t really feel like that.  I wasn’t writing about it to be brave or not.  I wrote about it because writing is how I cope with things.  I need to talk things out and sometimes I can’t express the things I really need to by having a conversation.  Some of the feelings I felt during my miscarriage were very raw and real and painful and it would have been hard for me to explain those things to someone in conversation.  Especially the people I loved who just wanted to know I was okay.  By writing them out, it gave my loved ones a glimpse of what was going on inside my head and it gave me an outlet.  I felt such peace and closure with each post I wrote and I knew it was what I needed to do.  The writing was therapy on it’s own and the kind and loving response I got was completely unexpected.  With each message of love, support and concern, I felt my heart healing piece by piece.  It might seem brave to someone else, but for me, it’s just something I needed to do.

Some people were a little stunned by me writing such a personal experience for the world to see.  I agree it was very personal and yes, anyone can stumble upon this blog.  But this blog is MY space.  My very own little piece of the internet.  I like to think the people who come here are kind and loving and would be people I would be friends with if we weren’t separated by distance.  I wouldn’t have wanted this published in TIME magazine or on TMZ or something that wasn’t my own.  But the readers who frequent here know me in a sense.  They get a feel for my heart and what I go through on a daily basis.  I didn’t feel violated by posting because it was on my terms, on my space, with my people, so to speak.  It felt safe to me and it made me realize how grateful I am that I have a gracious little community here.  It was something I needed to realize.  So sharing this type of experience publicly may not have worked for everyone, but it was good for this little heart of mine.

Others  mentioned not wanting to share their experience with anyone when they were going through it.  Some confided in me and hadn’t really ever told anyone.  I can completely imagine feeling this way.  There was a side of me that wanted to shut everyone out and pretend nothing was happening, too.  But.  I felt an urge to share my story.  There is not anything on the pages of this blog I didn’t feel the divine urge to write.  Some things I have shared right away, and some I have waited for the right time.  As soon as I went through this, I knew I needed to share.  Maybe for those people who want to shut the world out.  I told Brady, if I can even help one person feel less lonely going through this, I will share every word from the depths of my soul.  And I did.  I know one person I for sure helped sharing my story, and that person is myself.  If anyone else has felt companionship reading it, that to me is absolutely priceless.  It took me a long time to share my experience with postpartum depression, but I kept feeling a nagging feeling to write it and once I did, I realized my heart had healed from it in a way I never knew it could.

Another thing I heard was appreciation of how “real” I have been about it.  To me, this is the very best compliment anyone could give.  I believe there is something so beautiful and pure about the human experience.  I believe God created all our emotions – the good, the bad, the sad – and there is something to be learned from each of them.  My experience was a very real experience and I didn’t want to do it any injustice by sugar coating it.    When I started this blog, I knew I didn’t want to just share the happy outings or the silly parts of our life.  I wanted to share it all because it’s important to me to have it documented.  One day, I imagine my girls reading this as they may have young families of their own and while my memories fade, I know my stories wont.  Real is exactly my goal.  How I write, how I shoot photography, how I live my life.  I crave being real and I hope to strive for that each day.

So how am I doing now?  This question I’m hearing daily right now.  The answer is, I’m doing well.  My perspective is still small and my heart still stings with remembrance, but we’re getting through it.  I see beauty and hope in every day.  My perspective in faith has grown the most and for that I am so grateful.  I feel like I get some extra time with my little family of 4 and I am totally content about that.  Stella gets to be my baby for just a bit longer and she is totally content about that.  Through good times and bad, this life is a wonderful one if we can only choose to see it.  God has been so good to me and I don’t feel anything but totally blessed.

xo, C